Running on Thin Luck

Luck, I would think, is cold, like ice. It is dispassionate. It is stiff. It can soothe, but it can also burn. Mine sorta felt like it was burnt out last Wednesday.

I had my M.Phil. viva voce on that day. I was running a bit late because I had to make myself presentable at the beauty parlour. The Metro decided to stop for the 10 minutes at Dwarka Sector 14 that day. If it had stopped for longer, I would have been seriously late. But it didn't, which meant I would be at the Department of English on time, even with some time to spare. I usually take a rickshaw from the Metro station to the Faculty of Arts. I thought I would flip through my dissertation during the ride.

Then suddenly out of nowhere a car took a quick turn and my rickshaw swerved to avoid a head on collision, the turn was so sharp that the rickshaw tilted and fell over sideways. I was screaming while it was happening. Before even falling I knew I was about to fall and then swat like a fly I was flat on the ground. I got up, don't remember if anyone picked me up or not. I checked myself while someone came to pick up my things for me. I realised that none of my clothes were torn, I didn't have many scratches. My knee hurt a little. It was nowhere like the scooter accident I had in Okinawa, when I had lain on the ground conscious but unable to move for quite a while.

I don't know where I got the courage from but I wanted to shout at the car driver. Now there were two cars, and it was the second which came out of nowhere. The first one stopped but the second -the culprit- ran off. I was furious, moving towards the car which had stopped, I asked loudly to no one in particular and the world at large whether it was that car who caused the accident. When people told me no, I think I ranted in the middle of the road about who knows what...

Then a motorbike came fast near where I was standing and I shouted at them to kill the rest of me that happened to survive! I then stormed to my rickshaw, sat on it and ordered the rickshawala to go. I sobbed on the way a bit and when I reached the Department I wanted to breakdown completely. I was still in shock. Interestingly I didn't cry much (very unlike me). But I didn't want to stand in front of all my teachers like that! The Dissertation was so far off my mind at that moment. I could only think of how much worse it could have been.

I asked the office peon, who is a lovely gentlemen, one of my favourite office staff at the dept., to tell them what happened if they asked for me, that I was going to the bathroom to wash my face, that I need five more minutes. The convener of M.Phil. came out and asked me whether I wanted to sit down while they met the second candidate before me. (Did I mention I was the first person in the whole list?)

I sat and calmed down. Spoke to my friends. The story spread around and I kept saying, " It was nothing really." But it was something. I was shook up and I didn't really do a good viva in there. I was not confident anymore. I was nervous. I answered the questions but I wished I could have been more forcible and articulate, not stumbling looking for words..

Interestingly, I could still manage to joke when leaving. Trivedi told me to take care, and hoped I would be alright soon. I replied I'm already feeling better, and that my bag seems to have suffered worse physical damage. It was my favourite red bag that I got from Tokyo. And its strap came out.

* I may be a little superstitious, but I forgot to carry the Japanese charm I bought on New Year's day. I got the 'education' charm so that I can finish my Dissertation without ill-luck...

** on the Happy side, my Dissertation grade was A. Let's see what my overall grade, including the viva result, would be. It should be out soon. Keeping fingers crossed!

Delhi Metro is doomed

On Wednesday, 12th August, I was stuck in the Metro for over 2 and half hours. I boarded the train at around 5:45pm from Vishwavidyalaya but did not reach home until 8:30. A route that should have taken less than 1 and half hours, took over 2 and a half. Reason, around 4 o'clock a train got derailed at the Dwarka station. The driver of the train switched to manual and the train overshot the tracks which were still locked. Thankfully there were no casualty and the train was travelling at a low speed, otherwise it would have jumped over the elevated ramp onto the road. In the whole network, apart from the stations from where the train goes to the depots, there are only two sets of tracks, one coming and the other going. No extra track has been made for emergency. Due to this, the whole train schedule was running late, and there were very few trains running. The number of people queued up to board trains which didn't show up, and when they did, they were already full to the brim. At Rajiv Chowk, I stood and waited for two trains which were so packed that I refused to step into them. I chose instead to go back a few stations from where it wouldn't be so full. That was my mistake. I was unaware of the derailing and thought it was just some minor delay. The authorities hardly made any announcement, and when they did, they said the delay was due to some technical error. There was no procedure to stop passengers from entering the stations, commuters piled up with nowhere to go. It was stuffed but shockingly many people still stayed in line! When I was in the train, I had a seat but those standing were squished. With swine flu on the rise, who knows how many viruses were transmitted.. In the heat and humidity, the A/Cs hardly had any cooling and once the power went out; it was excruciating. Our train was halted for 20 minutes at a station with the doors closed. No announcement was made to inform us why it was stopped, even to regret the inconvenience caused. People fought off those trying to board the train when it did move to the next station. One guy in my train started shouting press the emergency button, lets talk to the driver and ask him whats wrong. and they did, which halted the train for another few minutes until some officials came to see to the problem. It could have been a medical situation.
In another 5 years or so, Delhi Metro will become obsolete. In its construction, there has been a unfortunate lack of foresight. Many things have not been thoroughly thought out before execution. If there had been extra tracks, this chaos could have been avoided. Not only that, but they could then have run rapid and fast trains which stop at only major stations, just like the Japanese system. In the present system, the train stops at all stations of the route taking an unneccessarily longer time! Also, they made Rajiv Chowk big, but not big enough to handle the load that will soon be added when the trains to Noida start. They need to add two more bogeys, but they still don't have them ready. Who knows how much time they will take for that. and even when they add them, the no. of people coomuting will also have increased. which means that trains will still be stuffed. I wonder what can be the solution?

new blog?

so... am wondering what to do about my blog.... I am on the last leg of my M. Phil. Chronicles... the viva dates have been announced. As some of you may know through my Facebook status, I am the first person on the list. I don't think its a good thing, all the profs of the department and the external will probably be too enthusiastic in the beginning and thus, they will fire off questions at me.. I donno what it'll be like and have been terrified of this moment since I first started M. Phil. I am not even ready to re-read my dissertation and long papers just yet! and its next week on Tuesday, 18th August!! Which also means that the grade on mydissertation should be coming out within this week! Gah! its moving too fast for me to be comfortable...

Which brings me back to my blog. I don't think I want to start another blog... I already have one for Oki and 2 others.. that's the trouble with titling it with a portion of one's life. I knew Okinawa Times would get over someday, and the M.Phil. Chronicles must come to an end too. So why did I name them such? Right about now I can't think of a new title. But I suppose I can wait until my final result comes out which would be by the end of August I suppose. But after that I will have to change the name. Still thinking on it. Maybe it will come like a flash as it did with my dissertation title. But I wouldn't mind suggestions! :) so, friends, do you have any?

News:

1. The Dissertation is over and done with. I decided the title on the final day! It is: "Anarchy in the UK! Punk Rock, Racism and Hanif Kureishi: A Cultural Study" How does it sound?
   
   
2. I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to celebrate the completion. I loved the movie, but wanted more! I also felt that it would be confusing for a person who hadn't read the book. I had read it a long time ago and hardly remembered the story. Wanted to re-read it before watching the movie, but am glad I didn't have the time to do so, coz then there was some amount of suspense!
   
   
3. Last week, I attended this 6-day orientation for new teachers of the English Language Proficiency Course that will be run by Delhi University for the second time from August 10 to mid-December. Needless to say, that I am one of the teachers... Lets see how it will be trying to teach nearly-adult learners the correct usage of English.
   
   
4. On the 5th day of the Orientation, I started coughing. The constant AirConditioning finally got to me. As the day progressed, I felt a dull ache in my head coming along. My back started aching as well and I knew I was gonna get sick. The next 3 days were spent trying to bring down my temperature from the 101-2 degrees Fahrenheit that it was. My cough still hasn't completely gone.
   
   
5. On Sunday, 2nd of August, I moved out of the hostel. I was still very sick at the time, but I didn't ask for another extension since the International Students House for Women authorities suck majorly. They have been trying their best to kick old students out so they can fill it with new unsuspecting ones since we oldies know their dark history. The hostel is not the place it used to be, and I am glad I am out of it. The way they behaved especially with my friend, Aditi, telling her to move out in a day on her birthday(!!) was nothing but DESPICABLE. I'm very disgusted with these women and a full rant will follow soon enough.
   
   
6. I am now living at home and looking for a job (besides the ELPC).

I am copper?

You Are Copper

You are provocative and challenging. You help people realize who they really are. You live a very balanced life. You always take time for love and art. You are both a powerful and generous person. You always have time to give back. People find you to be incredibly ethical and loyal.

What Metal Are You?

Gym Playlist

I have been going to the gym in the hostel regularly enough these days. Yesterday, I realised how important my lil iPod nano has become for me; it ran out of battery power, and I felt stranded. So, I decided to write a post on my favourite gym songs, i.e. songs that really get me going to push myself that much further.

1. Supermassive Black Hole by Muse: I hate to begin my workout with this song. I randomly select a song with eyes closed. I have the shuffle feature on and when this song suddenly comes on when least expected, a smile comes on my face. It's my favourite Muse song (a band I don't particularly die for) but, I love the pace of this song. Also, it reminds me of the Cullens in their most playful, and for me their most sexy moment! "oooooooooooaaaaaaaah! you set my soul alive...." :)
   


2. Faint by Linkin Park: With its 135 beats per second, it is the best song ever to run with!! Another good one is the mashup of "faint" and "Toxic"by Britney Spears! (I Know!! It's crazy - I like a song that is remotely related to Britney Spears!!)



3. Paranoid by Megadeth: It's a cover of the Black Sabbath song. Its faster than the original version, and therefore a prefered version.



4. Prince of Darkness by Megadeth: The lyrics are awesome. The beat is awesome. The vocals a good-creepy awesome :) ! It builds up bit by bit. And when it hits the part where the bass starts... ah! it makes me feel like feline - smooth, sleek, sly, sinuous... evil! and my movements match up!



5. Orgasmatron by Sepultura: Another cover song. Originally by Motorhead, apparently... coz I only know the Sepultura version, which I love!!!!! The build up is soooo.... AHH! The drums superb! if only I could hear this live! when the guitar solo comes in and the drums progress... are there any words to describe music? every time I hear this song, I want to stand up, headbang, energy seems to pulsate thru my body!



6. Mr Brightside by The Killers: It's slower.. by a minuscule degree from my other favs... but I generally like this one to start off with.



7. Don't Stay by Linkin Park: LP have great gyming songs with the appropriate fast pace I need with racy beats and strong bass sounds. I prefer the album Meteora.. Figure.09 is also a good song.



8. Chop Suey by System of a Down: I was introduced to SOAD by David while driving down to book club. I remember he scared me quite a bit. Coz the song came on and he shouted-sang along to the "You wanted to" part. And I wasn't paying attention at all, and suddenly dave is headbanging while driving!! I was too surprised to notice the beauty of this song, but now I know better! :)



9. Sleeping Awake by P.O.D.: From the soundtrack of The Matrix Reloaded, this song seems slower to my ears than other heavier songs. But, I love it!



10. Reload by Rob Zombie: Another Matrix Reloaded song... This is the best! It is so fast! Awesome beats. I would love for this song to be played in a club and I would love to be in that club when it is played!



11. Bring Me to Life by Evanescence: OK, I know, this isn't a typical gyming number... but the chorus is heavy enough for me!



12. Snowblind by System of a Down: Another SOAD song that really gets me going. there is no build up, it just starts! when I first heard their discography, most songs seemed incomprehensible, they are just so fast! But my ears are quite attuned now and I actually crave faster tracks at times!! Apparently, this is also an original Black Sabbath song... guess I should download and listen to them!



13. Ryukyu no Kokoro by Mongol 800: At least one Japanese song! There are so many fast paced J-Pop songs, but I choose the punk one! :) This song starts slow, but hell! Does it pick up a beat or what!?



14. Decode by Paramour: Ok, fact is I LOVE the Twilight soundtrack!
    The part I like best is when the lyrics are
    

    "The truth is hiding in your eyes
    And its hanging on your tongue
    Just boiling in my blood,
    But you think that I can't see
    What kind of man that you are
    If you're a man at all
    Well, I will figure this one out on my own
    (I'm screaming "I love you so..."
    But my thoughts you can't decode) "



15. Stupify by Disturbed: When I first heard this song in a heavy metal compilation CD a friend from Maldives lent me, I was like "woa, wait a minute, this song should be in a Harry Potter movie!" but then, I looked up the lyrics... hahaha! i am sure parents wont approve of the use of the f-word! No build up, just start 'whack'/fuck/rock-ing away! :)



16. Toxicity by SOAD: SOAD are great! So wish I could attend a concert.. so wish they would get back together and come to Delhi... Wishful thinking... If ever they do go on tour, I will so be buying a ticket! Toxicity was my first SOAD fav. I didn't know that its one of their most successful songs. I just liked it for the melody entwined with heavy sounds. Vocals.. perfect; Lyrics.. perfect; Guitar.. perfect; Bass.. perfect; Drums.. perfect; SONG.. perfect!!

So, this has been a nice change from my sad posts, huh? :)

Sunny days, where have you gone?

It was one of those days. Bang after a week of torturous heat and dryness, a storm and rain. glorious sweet scintillating rain. sudden darkness at 2.30 in the afternoon which made the soothing yellow of bulb lamp feel nice. and thunder so loud it drowned out all other sounds. clouds so low you could touch them. breeze to blow all worry and stress out of your system. the smell of wet earth to refresh all senses. sublime. poetic. blue.

after the downpour stopped there were still thick clouds hiding the harsh summer sun. the lingering coolness made me get up and walk out of my room. that and the longing.

it was one of those days you wish you could share a companionable silence with someone who would walk by your side holding your hand just happy to be there. i longed for that simple joy.

i walked concentrating on each step. i walked as if i was walking a tight rope. it seemed to make so much sense to make sure that each step followed directly ahead the other. walking unselfconsciously aimlessly seemed most unacceptable.

i let soft slow songs on my iPod drown the mocking calls of the peacocks. i hummed along,

why does it always rain on me is it because i lied when i was seventeen why does it always...

so apt...

the tiny raindrops fell on my burning skin like pin-pricks. it was a welcome pain. afterall the thorn in my chest hurt worse.

i was sad. i honestly have not been this sad in a while. i can suppress sadness with little joys usually. today the little joys eluded me.

i walked back into the hostel when raindrops became bigger and fell more frequently. Sister Lucky needed my help carrying a 20kg bag. Sister Lucky is one of the most friendly sisters i have met in the hostel. she is truly kind and sweet. always has something happy or good to say. her real name is not really Lucky, but how does one pronounce their impossible names! so each sister usually has an easier name.

maybe something alerted her. she called me into her room to chat before taking the luggage down. she was leaving for Vietnam tonight. she cheered me up in her own special way. her English is still better than many other nuns, although her tonal singsong nasal enunciation still needed extreme attention. it was nice to focus hard on what she was trying to say to me. that process of concentration and the content of her words made me forget my loneliness. she was my sunny day.

it's selfish and twisted, but i hope the hot weather returns. at least it is tiring. it fatigues the body into numbness. dripping sweat makes one detest the thought of bodily contact. the heat doesn't let the mind wander. heat is the only thought that comes to the mind when it's that hot. heat is not conducive to romance.

But that's not what Travis meant the song to mean, did they?

hmmm...

My Favourite Part About Indian Summers:

Amaltas - the Indian Laburnum

Revelation

I had a sudden flash of revelation... I know now why I had been scared of the sea in Okinawa. Why when we jumped off the boat into the water near Taketomi, I was hesitant even though I wanted to do it very much. Why kayaking in Higashi was fun, but I could be on/in the water only with a life-jacket. Why countless time I wouldn't stay in the water for hours like I always had done before going to Okinawa. Why I wasn't braver in the water. I was not afraid of the ocean, I was afraid of myself. I know now that it would have come easily for me to let go... let the tide take me where it may... and maybe unconsciously I was not ready for that yet, I was too happy and felt I needed more time. It wouldn't be very difficult to walk into the sea when I am finally prepared... it would be painful, I know... but I think it would be peaceful as well... such a calm descends over me when I think of it. I wish I could let go now... too bad Delhi is surrounded by land and the only water body - the yamuna - is as good as a drain...

food is my religion, albeit the vegetarian kind...

About a dozen women of my mother's age group are singing, dancing, shrieking and making rude jokes in my living room rite now. I have run away after sitting patiently and clapping along for a while. Now I am sitting in a dark room hoping they wont remember me and call me to dance again. My mom organised this "kirtan" or a prayer service. I dislike it. Very much. I don't believe in its religious part. I can only dance when I am under the influence, so I can't really enjoy it in a secular way. But I am waiting for the food at the end of it, maybe coz I had only one meal since morning and its nearly 7:30 in the evening now, or maybe I only appreciate these events for the gastronomical pleasures.... ah food glorious food! :)

voted

The General Elections came to Delhi. And I voted. I took my decision based on candidates' qualifications. Unlike last time when Delhi elections were held and I voted for a party, not candidate. I also discovered I can 'vote for nobody,' but for that one has to fill a form apparently. Well, this time, even though I feel that no-one is really qualified to run India, I still didn't want the candidate who looked like a rapist to represent my area! So, I chose one who has a PhD and who has actually achieved real goals in the past... This is my proud mark:


(In India they make a square mark with permanent ink so that you don't repeat your vote.. I guess the man making these wanted to put his unique design on us, so he made a diagonal line instead...)

my second A

I found out today that I got an A in my Visual and the Verbal course. YAY!! It was the Marquez and Dali paper... :) I want to celebrate but can't because there is lost of work to be done for my dissertation. My supervisor wants to see as much work as possible before supervision ends on the 30th of April... Gah! this means a further delay on the Liz in India blog post.

contemplating

I have been contemplating for a long time to update my blog, with something more fun than ad campaigns to save turtles. I still have to write a blog about Liz in India (which has been unceremoniously dumped in drafts with the single word Liz as a title...) Its not like I don't have things to say. I have lots. But I find that recently my thoughts have been highly unstructured. Even while studying I am unable to focus on the task at hand. I jump from one book to the next thinking that maybe the other book would automatically grasp my attention allowing me to get some concrete work done. But no. My mind wanders from happiness that was travelling with Liz and to sadness at the loss of some stuff. In this year I have managed to loose some sentimentally valuable stuff - like my Nine West pouch with my favourite eyeshadow and a necklace a friend sent to me in Okinawa in it at Niigata. I lost a pair of earrings Isa gave me. Then I recently lost one of a pair of silver earrings that I just bought in Jaipur with Liz. It was fast becoming a fav as regular wear didn't make my earlobes sore. I believe I have also lost a friend recently - and I don't want to talk about that. Then a couple of days ago I smashed to smithereens one of a pair of new contact lenses. I guess I am becoming either careless or very unlucky; maybe I am both. I am sad most of the times for no reason, even though apart from these loosing sprees I have been alright otherwise. I think too much and consequently accomplish nothing. It could also be that I now live in the hostel, and even though I have friends, at the end of the day a loneliness sets in. I am going home tomorrow, so I shall do a happy task - that of posting travel pics and write the blog on Liz :)

(click to enlarge)

I'm a Punk

I have been reading The Philosophy of Punk by Craig O'Hara as part of the research for my dissertation; and I have come to the conclusion that I am a Punk. I am anti-homophobia, anti-racism, anti-sexism and pro-environment. I like 'loud' politically motivated rock music. I love to shock. I am non-conformist/ or at least I like conceptual anarchy and non-conformism. Thus, I am a Punk. I would love to have the garb occasionally too, even though bondage clothes and coloured spikey hair might be a little much for the Indian sensibility. For a long time I have been wanting a peirced tongue and at least one tat. Is this a mid-youth crisis?