blind faith

I was tested today. It was a test in blind faith in another human being... well, actually a family.

I was walking back home from the market this evening. The sun had gone down in a blaze of red and it was dark by the time I reached the road to my apartment complex. Just outside the complex, I saw a man with his wife and the wife holding a baby in her arms. They were looking very lost and as I approached them, something inside me wanted to ask them what was wrong, and if I could help in any way. I held back and didn't ask. But the man spoke up as I passed by, and asked if I could speak Marathi (a regional language of India, primarily spoken in the state called Maharashtra). I said no. Hindi? yes. He said some men ran off with their money and they were stranded in Delhi without food, without shelter. He is a house painter, but obviously could not find work at that time of day. They looked working class, but were not in rags. They were hungry and thirsty and tired, but worst, they were dejected. He expressed his pain at having come to beg like this and asked for money to go back to Maharashtra. He said he would send the money back if I could give an address where to send it.

I was uncomfortable. I thought maybe they needed directions to get somewhere. I would have gladly helped with that. But when it came to money, I get very uncomfortable. Even with beggars, I have mixed feelings. I want to help, but is my loose change actually helping? In India, we are made to distrust beggars from a very young age. Maybe we have so many beggars that those who are in a better financial condition simply create this distrust in order not to succumb to each and every one of them, even those who perhaps in all probability are actually destitute.

Most crucial is the question: Will giving money to a beggar actually propel him/her to work instead of simply begging? Some actually have day jobs at construction sites and beg by night for a few extra rupees. Or set their innumerable children to do the begging at streetlights, markets and tourist spots.

My oldest memory of a beggar is when we were travelling somewhere. I was maybe 4 or 5 yrs old. It was winters. And we were eating. This little boy who was about 4-5 years old too, and had absolutely no clothes on his impoverished body came to us. My mom gave him some of the food we had. He went away, but left behind a string of uncomfortable questions and an unerasable trace in my mind. "Why is he naked, mummy? Why does he ask for food? Where are his parents? Why is he poor? What is poor? Why don't all people have money? How can we remove poverty, mummy?" My mom never had any final and conclusive answers for me. One question always led to another. Even today, do we have any answers? There isn't any answer.

But these people, were just better-dressed beggars, con-men, or actually in real trouble? There is no answer to this question either. It was simply a matter of trusting their word. I offered food. He said someone gave them biscuits. I said I couldn't give them money, I was a student... He asked if there was any other person who could help... I said, ok, wait, I will try.

I came upstairs. quickly filled a small bottle with milk for the baby, and a larger bottle with cold water. put them in a polybag. got out a 100 rupee note from my wallet and went back down. They were still there, waiting for me. The security guard saw it all, as I showed the milk and water and money to the man, said it was all that I could do and left. I didn't give him much time to feel embarrassed at the charity nor did I receive profuse thanks. I walked away still feeling confused, telling myself I did good. I had more than a hundred rupees worth cake and multi-grain bread in my hand when I encountered them. It was a luxury that I would consume without a thought. But for these, a hundred rupees may mean more than anything at this moment. (Rs. 100 is less than $2.50, about 300 yen, it is a small amount in USA or Japan, but most working class Indians don't earn that much in a day.)

I don't know if I did right. I thought, let me trust and have blind faith in their word. I don't know if I did right because it is a human tendency to distrust. But I also feel naive. I am trusting someone I don't know and giving them a big amount of money. (normally one would give Rs. 5 to a beggar, or 10 in some cases). I didn't feel completely happy with what I did. Only because I feel everyone else would tell me I am stupid to have given in. I felt guilty telling my sister, even though she said it was ok. She didn't say I was silly. I don't know why in this case I need approval from others. I never usually do. I listen to my instincts and go with it. Why should I feel that maybe I have been duped? They really did look lost and I wanted to help. So I did. Was it wrong of me to? Is it wrong of me to be having these thoughts?

I console myself that I do not go to temples and offer donations, but have done something that is in a way equivalent to that blind faith. And maybe I have done more good than giving at a temple, if it helps this family. I always become angry at the hordes of people who go to temples and in the name of offerings give away more than they would to a person in need.

There was once a major event when many Hindus all over the city received calls early in the morning, that Ganeshas will drink milk today. The news spread like wildfire. And everyone went to their neighbourhood temples to offer milk to Ganeshji. I cannot count how many litres of milk was sold, and touched to the lips of that stone idol, and wasted by countless people. I refused to go. My friends came to summon me so we could go together, and I said it was bullshit, and that I would rather give the milk to a poor and hungry person. My friends were horrified at my atheism and I didn't care. I was proud to be above these silly mortals. I was proud that my family (mom, dad and sis - i.e. excluding relatives) did not go to feed Ganesh. I always believe in paying it forward - to my peers, to my fellow human beings - not to an unknown and unknowable God. I had an opportunity today to put my belief in action.

If religion is blind faith, then my religion is believing in human beings. There are doubts in this religion as in any other. Doubts that undermine the faith. Faith that has to fight its way.

Question is - have I passed the test of faith?

Rakhi

In this day and age, I find some customs really silly. One of them occurs on the festival day of Raksha Bandhan. Sisters tie a Rakhi on their brother's wrist, do tika, give a dry coconut and the brothers give money/gift and promise to protect them in return... The main good this festival does, is that it gives an opportunity to meet up with family members and relatives. I would usually not bother with the useless ceremony, but I live in family of strong beliefs and so I cannot hurt their feelings.

I don't have any real brother of my own, but I have 4 cousins - 2 born to my dad's younger brother, and 2 born to my mom's 2 brothers. There is also the little boy of a family we met in Mauritius and are close to. They share our ancestral surname - Agarwal, and thus, felt that we are all one family. Mohit, the boy wanted Didi and I to tie Rakhi on him, so we have been sending Rakhies by post.

This year, only he and my youngest cousin were available. The other 3 were out of Delhi. This youngest cousin, Krishna, is a 5-year old bunch of naughtiness which drives me insane. He never listens and always does the opposite of what you tell him to do. I got toy rakhies for him this year, ie, it was a ribbon with small toys stuck on it. Of course, they were torn out the minute they were tied! When he went to the market with Mamu (my uncle, his dad), we girls had loads of fun racing the cars.

We went to a new part of Delhi to meet the other 'brother'. I hadn't met them in a long time and the kids are so grown up that I felt very old! Ashi was a few months old when I first saw her and played with her! and Mohit was 4-5 years old. Time flies so fast, and meeting them made me realise how long ago it was when I lived in Mauritius.

When coming back home, a really embarrassing thing happened! A guy was sitting on a seat reserved for ladies. I challenged my sister to ask him to vacate the seat. She said, forget it, poor brother, today let him enjoy the seat. And I said, on the other hand, at least on this day, the brothers should be vacating seats for their sisters. And maybe I spoke too loudly, for the guy sitting with his mom stood up shamefaced. I think I blushed a very deep-red because I was just saying in general and the look on his face was as if I had directed my words at him alone!

Later that night, my sister's 'brother' treated us to dinner at the Air Warrior's Club at the Air Force base in Delhi. It was just like entering Camp Schwab in Okinawa for me. Sarthak's dad is in the Indian Air Force, so he has a 'base pass' :) ...good times..

baby jamun

I sowed a Jamun seed about a month ago. And have waited patiently for this day. My mom had given up hope and wanted to use the pot for something else. But I persevered. This morning I woke up and went to see how me plants were doing, and behold...


am feeling like a proud parent.... :)

awesome day...

I had made a list of things to do post-papers and I was able to strike off two items from it today:

1. Watch "The Dark Knight" and,
2. Go somewhere fun.

My sis, her 'brother' and I headed off to Saket to watch the movie. We got horrible seats even though we came two hours before to buy them! My neck still hasn't recovered :( ! From next time, I shall definitely book tickets online! Last time you know what happened (read the previous blog post...) ergo, I am not taking chances, my movie luck seems to have gotten depleted.

So... The movie was awesome. Everyone kept saying its very dark. I didn't think so. It was, but not so much that that would be its only quality. The story was what excited me most. I guess for Batman fans it would have been so obvious with Harvey Dent flipping his coin. But I realized he would be Two-Face only when his face actually catches fire. I never read the comics and Batman has always been just another superhero for me. I guess being a girl who is more into literature, comic books come second and aren't very important. Thus the way the story was reinterpreted in the movies have been very exciting. I also liked that in Nolan's version, Gotham City is like any present-day metropolitan city. Not like previous versions where it has been fictionalized into this magical, unrealistic dream landscape almost. I liked that the characters were realistic and relatable. I don’t remember what the name is, but the Batman movie with Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy… Or Jim Carey overacting as the Riddler... it just reduced the action to banal ridiculous events with the overdone fantasy elements.

From my mobile phone camera:

And Heath was great! I still can't believe he is no more. Why did his last movie have had to be the one in which his handsome face was covered...?

Aside: While watching the movie, I had my cell phone in my lap. I didn’t realize when it slipped off and suddenly when I realized I didn’t have it, I panicked. My sis showed me light with hers and I found my dear old big fat mobile under the seat in front of me. I came so close to losing it, my heart nearly stopped! It’s the worst thing that could happen to me. Thank God it didn’t happen!

And I found my second favourite Barista drink - Swiss Mocha Frappe! (the one in the center)

After the movie, we headed off to Gurgaon in search of this Karaoke place Sarthak had seen while driving by. After getting stuck in traffic and having to take plenty U-turns we finally reached it, and it turned out to be so expensive! The deal was, you hire the room and order food worth at least Rs. 5000 (about $110) and you can sing for an unlimited time period. And you have to book one day at least in advance for it. We were only 3 people and we had 3 hours before the place closed. So it wasn’t worth the big bucks... Maybe I will go another time, if there are more people to split the cost between us and more time to enjoy the food and singing.

Instead of Karaoke, we settled for bowling, go-carting, pool and air-hockey. It was a day of firsts: My first time ever coming to Gurgaon. Finding a Karaoke place in India was also a first. The very first bowling experience in India for me (and I have bowled only 3 times before that). First time playing air-hockey and I beat my sister with seven goals! It was also my very first go-carting experience, which I did not enjoy very much. My leg was cramped, I was hot, and the arm band was icky, and the helmet kept covering my eyes! I did 3 laps and didn’t care for the other 7 that had been paid for. My sis took my turns and I was glad to be sitting out!

Even though I didn’t enjoy go-carting, the day was fun overall. :)

you know... or know not!

A long over due blog on the only typical Bollywood movie I love---

It is called Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na. The post title is the literal translation of the name of this movie. A more meaningful title would perhaps be - whether you know, or you don't.

It has all those unrealistic elements that go into making a bollywood movie. All those elements that usually make me pull my hair with frustration. It has typical song-and-dance sequences; a talking portrait; two rude men in Cowboy-Western wear riding horses to nightclubs (who later turn out to be otherwise); it also has that stupid stop-her-from-leaving airport climax; and it also has some overacting. And yet, it was all directed brilliantly. The script is tight and kept one involved throughout. The humour was in good taste and the dramatic scenes nail-biting. (You might be thinking, well isn't this obvious? Ah! but you see, most Hindi films that are considered good, don't always have humour in good taste and nail-biting dramatic scenes.... ) The most amazing thing was that I am usually annoyed by clichés; but, in this movie, those very clichés had been redone brilliantly and by the end of the movie I wanted to see it again!

(Papu Can't Dance? I think he can and HAS! ;P )

I had actually gone to seen The Dark Knight with Isa, but when we reached the cinema, all the tickets were sold out! So we decided to go see Jaane Tu, even though Isa had already seen it on her computer. We went to another Cinema hall for that. Thankfully we got tickets there as we arrived there 2 and a half hours early for the show. We spent the time eating and shopping.

The movie started at 7:30 and ended at 10:25 pm. I was afraid I would miss the last train to Dwarka. We ran from the hall and I had to say excuse so many times and navigate my way through hordes of people who didn't understand my urgency! They were climbing down the staircase so slowly!! I thankfully reached 3 mins before the last train came and reached home like 11:45! That was the most late I have even come back home alone in Delhi! If I had missed the train, I would have had to go with Isa, as there were more trains for her stop. But I didn't want to do that. We had guests from USA at home, and plus, I didn't really want to go to the hostel that night.

I reached home safe and sound, met the guests, got a good humoured scolding from parents and was still happy because of the nice time I had had with my dear friend :) And because there can be an occasional clear blue sky and amazing sunset in Delhi :

Mr. Locust, you will scare Dali away!

My Mint plant had a visitor the other day...