My Kafkaesque Day

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. Everything was going as usual. I had woken late and had had a good breakfast as I read the newspaper. Suddenly, out of the blue, I get this strange call. Its from someone with a very strong Jat accent. (Jat is the name of a community of people from Haryana (an Indian State) and these people are known for their aggressive we-don't-care-a shit-for anyone-but-ourselves attitude.) This man said he was a Court Official and he was summoning me to the Court. There were accusations levied on me under three sections and I had to appear at Delhi High Court within an hour with an Identity proof and a certain amount of money.

I, of course, thought all this was a joke. I kept repeating to myself, "This is a prank." Sometimes people play a prank on others on live radio. I kept a serious tone, and did not burst into laughter, even though I was on the verge of it.

I asked the guy what exactly was up and he replied suggesting that he was shocked I didn't know anything of this. I demanded whether a written summons was delivered to me, and he mumbled something. I couldn't understand most of what he was saying anyway because he was talking in an accent I run away from. I don't have any friends who speak like that. It is an extremely rude accent and decent human beings do not speak in it. So, I asked him to wait and handed the phone to mom to speak with him. She got very scared. She was trembling, but still she was able to understand him better than me. The man gave a telephone number of some advocate and asked her to speak with about this issue.

We instantly called up my very resourceful uncle. We told him of the call and gave him all the information we had - the name of the advocate, his number, and the number where I got the call from. My uncle asked me whether there was any credit card amount I owed. This was a strange question, as I don't have a credit card; I don't wish to ever in my life own a credit card; and recently I got a call from ICICI bank saying that I had applied for a credit card, they had all my info, and were checking up on the address. It was weird that my uncle made a link with the Court Official's call I got and a credit card bill as I could see no connection whatsoever.

My uncle explained that this type of thing had happened with him over an unpaid credit card bill and that companies forward this to recovery agents who extort the money and their fees from the faulty customers.

The strangest part in all this was that I had never applied for an ICICI credit card but they had my full name, my home phone number and my old address. They were adamant on taking my cellphone number, which I was refusing to give because I had suffered stupid 'frensip' calls to the point where I wanted a new cell number. I had gotten rid of those calls by actually making someone - a male friend - call back the dude and scold him with a Jat accent!!! I kept saying speak to me on this phone. And interestingly, after talking to me, they called up my uncle to get my cellphone number when I refused to give it. My uncle called to tell that he given it and I became furious. There were too many confusing aspects to this:

1. How did ICICI Bank have all my info - name address telephone - when I never applied?
2. How did they have my home number AND my uncle's number?
3. Why were they adamant to have my cell number?
4. How come they used a specific line in the address "near Arya Samaj Temple" - a line I never used in my old address?

My uncle set his men on the task and they found out the business. It was over some Airtel bill. My sister used a postpaid cellphone plan which was in my name. She had recently changed the same number to another plan in her own name. But she had made all the payments and cleared all dues before doing so, as of course, they wouldn't have changed it in the first place if she hadn't. Thus, it was a definite breach of trust on Airtel's part for having forwarded a bill to a recovery agent! We all were very furious. Especially as the bill amount was a measly 230 rupees. My sister never used her phone for that small an amount and we searched all the past bills, there was no bill for that amount. And we were certain that it was Airtel because my uncle had included the line "near Arya Samaj Temple" when he got the connection for me!

In the night when my sis came back home, and we discussed the matter completely, she called up Airtel's customer service and asked them what bill was due and when they said none, she gave them the best calm and serene scolding I have ever heard in my life! How dare they put us into such trouble for something they said didn't exist! We have been loyal Airtel customers. We don't even look elsewhere. Everybody in the family has an Airtel service. My mausaji is Airtel's fourth customer since it first started! I, freaking, owned a phone which had some 1000 rupees on it, which I lost while in Okinawa! And they put us to such trouble over Rs. 230?? Airtel probably does business in multi-billions of rupees and it forwards 230 rupee bills to recovery agents who threaten people! Despicable! Abominable behaviour on Airtel's part! Makes me sick to be an Airtel customer!

Dear Reader, I know my day was not so Kafkaesque even though I term it so. The Trial didn't really happen. I have not been sacrificed without a meaningful death. But something has died. A trust, a belief. I don't know how many countless insults like this happens everyday across the country. But I am certain that if very such a thing happens again, Airtel will be hearing from a Court Official next, when I sue their corporate asses for such a shameful deed on their part!