Running on Thin Luck

Luck, I would think, is cold, like ice. It is dispassionate. It is stiff. It can soothe, but it can also burn. Mine sorta felt like it was burnt out last Wednesday.

I had my M.Phil. viva voce on that day. I was running a bit late because I had to make myself presentable at the beauty parlour. The Metro decided to stop for the 10 minutes at Dwarka Sector 14 that day. If it had stopped for longer, I would have been seriously late. But it didn't, which meant I would be at the Department of English on time, even with some time to spare. I usually take a rickshaw from the Metro station to the Faculty of Arts. I thought I would flip through my dissertation during the ride.

Then suddenly out of nowhere a car took a quick turn and my rickshaw swerved to avoid a head on collision, the turn was so sharp that the rickshaw tilted and fell over sideways. I was screaming while it was happening. Before even falling I knew I was about to fall and then swat like a fly I was flat on the ground. I got up, don't remember if anyone picked me up or not. I checked myself while someone came to pick up my things for me. I realised that none of my clothes were torn, I didn't have many scratches. My knee hurt a little. It was nowhere like the scooter accident I had in Okinawa, when I had lain on the ground conscious but unable to move for quite a while.

I don't know where I got the courage from but I wanted to shout at the car driver. Now there were two cars, and it was the second which came out of nowhere. The first one stopped but the second -the culprit- ran off. I was furious, moving towards the car which had stopped, I asked loudly to no one in particular and the world at large whether it was that car who caused the accident. When people told me no, I think I ranted in the middle of the road about who knows what...

Then a motorbike came fast near where I was standing and I shouted at them to kill the rest of me that happened to survive! I then stormed to my rickshaw, sat on it and ordered the rickshawala to go. I sobbed on the way a bit and when I reached the Department I wanted to breakdown completely. I was still in shock. Interestingly I didn't cry much (very unlike me). But I didn't want to stand in front of all my teachers like that! The Dissertation was so far off my mind at that moment. I could only think of how much worse it could have been.

I asked the office peon, who is a lovely gentlemen, one of my favourite office staff at the dept., to tell them what happened if they asked for me, that I was going to the bathroom to wash my face, that I need five more minutes. The convener of M.Phil. came out and asked me whether I wanted to sit down while they met the second candidate before me. (Did I mention I was the first person in the whole list?)

I sat and calmed down. Spoke to my friends. The story spread around and I kept saying, " It was nothing really." But it was something. I was shook up and I didn't really do a good viva in there. I was not confident anymore. I was nervous. I answered the questions but I wished I could have been more forcible and articulate, not stumbling looking for words..

Interestingly, I could still manage to joke when leaving. Trivedi told me to take care, and hoped I would be alright soon. I replied I'm already feeling better, and that my bag seems to have suffered worse physical damage. It was my favourite red bag that I got from Tokyo. And its strap came out.

* I may be a little superstitious, but I forgot to carry the Japanese charm I bought on New Year's day. I got the 'education' charm so that I can finish my Dissertation without ill-luck...

** on the Happy side, my Dissertation grade was A. Let's see what my overall grade, including the viva result, would be. It should be out soon. Keeping fingers crossed!