Sunny days, where have you gone?

It was one of those days. Bang after a week of torturous heat and dryness, a storm and rain. glorious sweet scintillating rain. sudden darkness at 2.30 in the afternoon which made the soothing yellow of bulb lamp feel nice. and thunder so loud it drowned out all other sounds. clouds so low you could touch them. breeze to blow all worry and stress out of your system. the smell of wet earth to refresh all senses. sublime. poetic. blue.

after the downpour stopped there were still thick clouds hiding the harsh summer sun. the lingering coolness made me get up and walk out of my room. that and the longing.

it was one of those days you wish you could share a companionable silence with someone who would walk by your side holding your hand just happy to be there. i longed for that simple joy.

i walked concentrating on each step. i walked as if i was walking a tight rope. it seemed to make so much sense to make sure that each step followed directly ahead the other. walking unselfconsciously aimlessly seemed most unacceptable.

i let soft slow songs on my iPod drown the mocking calls of the peacocks. i hummed along,

why does it always rain on me is it because i lied when i was seventeen why does it always...

so apt...

the tiny raindrops fell on my burning skin like pin-pricks. it was a welcome pain. afterall the thorn in my chest hurt worse.

i was sad. i honestly have not been this sad in a while. i can suppress sadness with little joys usually. today the little joys eluded me.

i walked back into the hostel when raindrops became bigger and fell more frequently. Sister Lucky needed my help carrying a 20kg bag. Sister Lucky is one of the most friendly sisters i have met in the hostel. she is truly kind and sweet. always has something happy or good to say. her real name is not really Lucky, but how does one pronounce their impossible names! so each sister usually has an easier name.

maybe something alerted her. she called me into her room to chat before taking the luggage down. she was leaving for Vietnam tonight. she cheered me up in her own special way. her English is still better than many other nuns, although her tonal singsong nasal enunciation still needed extreme attention. it was nice to focus hard on what she was trying to say to me. that process of concentration and the content of her words made me forget my loneliness. she was my sunny day.

it's selfish and twisted, but i hope the hot weather returns. at least it is tiring. it fatigues the body into numbness. dripping sweat makes one detest the thought of bodily contact. the heat doesn't let the mind wander. heat is the only thought that comes to the mind when it's that hot. heat is not conducive to romance.

But that's not what Travis meant the song to mean, did they?

hmmm...